Content notice: this post includes a photograph of me naked in a trench coat. You have been warned.
The first thing you need to know about me is that I don’t really watch the big contemporary movie franchises.
So when a friend recently suggested that we watch all the Mission: Impossible films, I was pretty sceptical. To be honest, I probably only acquiesced because the first one is from the 90s, and I have a serious soft spot for cheesy 80s/90s action movies.
My impression of these from the outside was that they would each be very much a vehicle for Tom Cruise to play out his real-life action-hero fantasies in a big-budget Hollywood playground. Ultimately, I do stand by this assessment — he gets a lot of licence to do basically anything he wants, and I think this sometimes shows at the seams (I’m looking directly at you, interminable and unlikely Fallout helicopter fight).
That said, there’s no denying that these are not only watchable and entertaining, but they’re also surprisingly… well written and tightly plotted? (Yes, the writer/editor in me is impressed.) And they’re so fun, in fact, that watching them got me thinking: if only there was a way to recreate them in real life — maybe as a series of date ideas for you and your favourite high-class London escort?
Date ideas coming: but first, a film rundown
The first in the series, Mission: Impossible (1996) is enjoyable and ridiculous, and I am obsessed with the depictions of the early internet; the second, M:I-2 (2000) is actually the only one I had already seen, and it’s frankly a terrible, terrible, best-forgotten-about film. The third, however, M:I-3 (2006), really finds its stride — well paced, well written, tense; it holds its own among its action-movie contemporaries, and it’s very good fun.
The fourth film, 2011’s Ghost Protocol, is still fun, but probably my least favourite. It comes the closest to what I originally expected from the franchise: glossy, high-octane, and with a slightly nonsense plot.
That scene in Mission Impossible when Tom Cruise opens INTERNET to search for an international arms dealer named Max by typing in “https://t.co/g1az0aGpEa”
— Rachel Fox 🇬🇧 London + FMTY (@RachelFoxLondon) January 6, 2023
Movie number five, though, Rogue Nation (2015) — excellent film. Excellent film. That fight scene at the opera in Vienna? Magic choreography. That underwater heist in Morocco? Had me genuinely breathless. And Rebecca Ferguson is just perfect the whole way through. (It doesnt hurt that shes absolutely stunning.) I also enjoyed the most recent, 2018’s Fallout, with its high-stakes, far-reaching plot, and I admit that I’m quite looking forward to the next instalment in the series, Dead Reckoning, out in July 2023.
In Mission Impossible Rogue Nation when they threaten to kidnap the Prime Minister... I feel a bit of a problem, as a Brit, caring about that at all. Like ok? Which posh twat is it today anyway? There'll be a new one tomorrow. Have at it, just take him. No tension. You know? 😂
— Rachel Fox 🇬🇧 London + FMTY (@RachelFoxLondon) January 15, 2023
And so, in honour of my entry into our era of Tom Cruise blockbusters, here is my list of ten fun, thrilling, missionary-possible (afterwards, in private, if you’re very good…) high-class escort date ideas, in London and beyond.
10 escort date ideas inspired by mission: impossible
1. Train to Paris, from Mission: Impossible
Don’t you just love Paris? Let’s go! It’s no longer the TGV pictured in the film, but we can get the Eurostar instead. Unfortunately, the WiFi today is as bad as it is in the film, even without Ving Rhames on the Nokia jammer. But it’s comfortable, fast, and they give you free sandwiches in business class.
I love watching the pretty French countryside unfolding from the windows — hopefully sans Jean Reno flying a helicopter into the tunnel after us. And did you know I’m fluent in French? The kissing part, especially.
2. Shanghai-style dumplings, from M:I-3
Remember when they’re in Shanghai and Tom Cruise starts writing equations on the window? And then he sprints along a scenic river? Don’t tell me that didn’t make you want dumplings! I love Shanghai xiaolongbao, or soup dumplings. Let’s fill up at Hutong in the Shard and then go for a wander by the Thames — I also love the dumplings at Hakkasan! There’s so many great places in London where we can replicate this scene from the movie, but at a much, much slower pace than Tom Cruise’s signature sprint (we’ll be full of dumplings, after all).
3. Beach vacay, from Ghost Protocol
I have spent quite a lot of time in Dubai, and there’s really no compare if you want a bit of gloss and glamour on your sunny beach holiday — plus, I look pretty good in a bikini. How about a cocktail at the top of the Burj Khalifa followed by an afternoon sailing the Creek? Just please don’t ask me to do a desert safari — I am not great in a bumpy car.
Beautiful cocktail evenings in Dubai 💙 pic.twitter.com/T6dNnlNC9s
— Rachel Fox 🇬🇧 London, Paris, FMTY (@RachelFoxLondon) June 9, 2022
4. Steak night at Hawksmoor, from Rogue Nation
I love a steak — and I love this part of the start of the movie, when Tom Cruise strolls casually past the doors of Hawksmoor Air Street before the scene in the record shop (the record shop doesn’t actually exist, but I know plenty of gorgeous bookshops nearby that we can browse before dinner instead, and avoid all that poison spy gas stuff). If you’re a longtime reader of The Excellent Blog, you’ll know how I feel about the Hawksmoor creamed spinach — and we have to get the Shaky Pete cocktail.
(Pro tip: if you’re eating at the Air Street restaurant, make sure to request a table in the quieter front-half of the restaurant, near the bar.)
I am going to have to unfollow hawksmoor on socials because I cannot be craving steak and creamed spinach at all hours of the day 😭
— Rachel Fox 🇬🇧 London + FMTY (@RachelFoxLondon) December 20, 2023
Love that my London time this week is being snapped up in the best way 🥰 just booked a Hawksmoor dinner date with one of my favourite couples!! Someone is getting felt up under the table between bites of buttered lobster and creamed spinach... 😏
— Rachel Fox 🇬🇧 London + FMTY (@RachelFoxLondon) September 5, 2022
5. A lasagna dinner, from Mission: Impossible
Hasta lasagna, don’t get any on ya! as a winsome Emilio Estevez tells Tom Cruise at the start of the movie. I love a good Italian restaurant for a dinner date, and we have so many in London: how about Bocca di Lupo for a casual bite, or for something a bit fancier, Murano, Angela Hartnett’s Michelin starred restaurant in Mayfair.
But if you absolutely insist on authenticity, then yes, FINE, I am available to accompany you to Naples, the lasagna’s birthplace.
6. Tate Modern & St Paul’s, from Fallout
Well would you look at that — my favourite place! (Are you even a high-class escort in London if your date ideas don’t include the Tate Modern?) You know how I love this part of London, and I may have squealed with excitement when Tom and Henry Cavill popped up here. Let’s wander over the bridge at Blackfriars, enjoy a leisurely stroll to the Tate, and later cross the Wobbly Bridge to take in the glory of the Whispering Gallery at St Paul’s Cathedral. Or how about we get a helicopter from the top of the tower? Hey, it worked for Henry.
7. The opera, from Rogue Nation
One of my favourite date ideas. Send me tickets anonymously in the mail, and I’ll hop on a plane to Vienna to get all dressed up and act coyly surprised to see you waiting for me in our box? I can be your very own Simon Pegg.
Or, closer to home, we can see our very own Royal Opera House in Covent Garden perform Turandot from 10th March to 13th April 2023. Truly a golden opportunity to recreate that classic scene from the movie, where they sit quietly and enjoy Puccini with no interruptions (trust me, it’s in the director’s cut).
8. When in Rome, and/or the Vatican, from M:I-3
Ah, bella Roma! Let’s take in the Colosseum, the Trevi Fountain, and the Pantheon, before an afternoon exploring the Vatican — I’ve never been, and it’s on my travel bucket list. I won’t insist that we zip around in an orange Lambo… but then again, I won’t complain about it if we do.
who wore it best?
9. Shopping date, from Rogue Nation
Rebecca Ferguson is immaculately dressed in Rogue Nation — and I have to admit that despite how good she is in this, for me the real scene-stealer is her green trench coat. Obsessed. You may know that I have been in the market for a new trench for a while (in fact, there is even one on my wishlist).
I could also be tempted to try on the very fetching pair of Louboutins she’s wearing in the same scene… all for you, of course, and in the name of authenticity.
10. Spa day, from M:I-2
While each of these films reminds us of the importance of good skincare, none uses the humble face mask to greater effect than this one. (Is it a coincidence that it is also the only movie set in Australia, sunscreen capital of the world?) Let’s enjoy a relaxing date with a facial/massage combo at a spa together — bonus points for authenticity if we do this as part of a rock-climbing adventure-weekend getaway.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to take me on one of these dates...
Or maybe we could go and see the new film together when it comes out this summer?
And yes, missionary might be possible afterwards… guess we will have to see.
Rachel
