Want to know a secret?
For the longest time, I didn’t enjoy using vibrators or sex toys.
Spoiler alert: I love them now! This post is for anyone looking to mix up their solo self-pleasure experience, or anyone who wants to explore using toys while playing with a lover; don’t worry, though, if you’re just here to perve — that’s ok with me, too.
So here is is: my journey of self-pleasure with sex toys, and five of my faves.
When I was 19, I went on an ill-fated trip to Ann Summers, and went home with a huge purple glitter rabbit thing. I used it once before throwing it away: it needed half a dozen batteries, sounded like a train, and it made an inhuman thrusting movement that was honestly terrifying.
For a long time after that, I avoided toys. My fingers know what they’re doing, right? After all, I’ve had them my whole life. How much better could a toy possibly be?
I’ve met a few women recently (one-on-one and as part of a couple) who were kind of in the same boat. Had tried out a couple of vibrators, either solo or with a partner, and hadn’t really got along with them. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that! I’m not here to tell you you’re doing self-pleasure wrong. But what I do know is that a little bit of practice has, in my case, made perfect — and opened up a new and fun world of exploration for me.
And I have had a number of sexual partners of any gender who loved playing with toys during our time together — it’s all about exploring and having fun, right?
It wasn’t until a few years ago that I tried again, and ended up buying the first toy I ever really enjoyed.
I was given a gift card by a generous lover and (fairly reluctantly, I must admit) took myself off to complete the arduous task of buying my (second) first vibrator.
(Side note: gifts can change lives, people! They’re not just about making a good first impression.)
This time around, ten years older and wiser, I chose something that I found unthreatening and aesthetically pleasing: the Iroha Sakura. Soft pink in colour, with a squishy body and small shape that fit perfectly into my hand, I found myself intrigued by the thought of it, and realised I was actually looking forward to trying it out.
It didn’t take me long once I got it home to realise that this was a different experience altogether from the aggressively rampant purple rabbit — this was sensual, quiet, intimate. (Spoiler alert: it’s still one of my bedtime favourites.)
Since then, I’ve explored with a number of different types of toys. What I have found interesting on this journey of self-pleasure is that for me, some of my favourite solo toys just don’t cut it when I’m with a sexual partner, and the reverse is true, too. I have one toy, for instance, that I never reach for alone at home, but it’s always in my bag when I go on a date.
Toys can really be so much fun to play with on a date, so don’t be shy — if you’d like to include them in our time together, please let me know!
While I’m much more adventurous now, and will eagerly pick up something new, I do have my favourites that keep me coming back again… and again.
The Iroha Sakura is an unassuming, simple little thing. Super soft to the touch and in a pleasing pink shade, it has a beginner-friendly three vibration settings (low, medium, high) and two pattern settings. This is still one of my favourite toys for a sleepy morning or an early bedtime — I love the soft silicone body — and I like to use this one solo as well as with a lover.
I picked this up on a whim in a sex shop in Barcelona some time back, and when I finally remembered to take him out of the box, this little guy became a fast favourite. It’s extremely beginner-friendly: easy to use, fun, and has almost no learning curve — you pretty much just point and go. A great place to start if you’re exploring for the first time, and a cheap-and-cheerful addition to your collection if you already have a few toys in the drawer.
The action of the Penguin is suction, not vibration, which I find gentle but extremely effective. Light, portable, quiet — this ticks all the boxes for a solo afternoon quickie. (Also they do a holiday edition where he’s wearing a Santa hat instead of his bow-tie. Isn’t that just too cute? A perfect Christmas gift idea for a lover when you’ve already bought all the lingerie on their wishlist.)
There are a lot of rabbit-style vibrators on the market, and I much prefer the sleek ones of brands like Lelo today to my original purple glitter monstrosity (to be fair, I did approach that with a ‘bigger must be better’ mentality, and it’s possible that my eyes were bigger than my… you get the picture). The stylish Soraya uses something that Lelo call WaveMotion™ technology which “surges in a finger-like motion,” according to their description. This is not a beginner-level toy in my opinion: it is very powerful and it takes a few tries to figure out your preferred settings and intensities for both of the stimulation arms. Once you get it right, though… this is a fun one for solo and partner play.
Another gift from a lover, the Enigma Cruise from Lelo took me entirely by surprise. Looking at its slightly overwhelming shape, I couldn’t imagine how this would fit into and around me in a way that could be at all pleasurable — but how wrong I was. (In fact, the day that I first used it, I cancelled my plans to spend the afternoon in bed.) A dual stimulation sonic massager, it combines an inner vibrating G-spot massager with a deep but gentle sonic pulse for your clitoris. This might be my favourite toy for solo play, but only when I’ve got a long stretch of uninterrupted time for it because it is damn near impossible to put it down — consider yourself warned.
This is my favourite little surprise to take on a long lunch, a cheeky cocktail date, or a fancy dinner. I love knowing what I’m teasingly wearing as jewellery around my neck!
The Crave Vesper is a smart, sleek, powerful little vibe that doubles as an elegant-but-oh-so-naughty pendant necklace. I’m a big fan. And it makes for such a cheeky gift — after all, doesn’t every woman want jewellery?
Personally, I’ve had my eye on the rose gold one for ages… make my dreams come true?
Toys can really enhance an experience.
While I still love doing it the old-fashioned way now and then — keep my hand in the game, so to speak — what I’ve come to realise about toys is that each one gives a different experience which can be enjoyed in different ways.
Nowadays, I get so excited when shopping for something new for my little collection. And I also love when someone chooses a toy off my wishlist or brings one along as a gift to a date.
So if toys are something you would like to try in the bedroom, then ask me to bring a few pieces along. You could also ask me to do some shopping in preparation for us and bring some new-to-both-of-us goodies to explore, or maybe you’ve done some shopping of your own, and want to try out a few things!
Sure, it takes a bit of work and time in the bedroom to make sure you’re getting the full experience, but we all have our crosses to bear… and there are worse things to learn by trial and error…
Rachel
